The Winter Flare

I don't know how much the temperature dropped. All I know is that last night things were warm enough to have the air conditioner on for awhile. I wake up and notice my boyfriend has out the heat on full blast, and this is a guy who finds 70 too hot.

I do my daily chores and find it it feels kinda chilly. Usually I get a 4 hour break from pain right after waking up. Today wasn't like that. Pain and burning from the start, I took all pain killers and my eyes are terribly dilated but I still hurt.

My Grandmother just died. Original plans was wake on tomorrow, which I could attend. Now they've moved everything to Tuesday. I have school on Tuesday. The two events happen at different times, but I'm flaring and I only have a 4 hour break. I must choose. Usually I'd pick the funeral, but it is the week before finals where teachers tend to give study guides to the "good" students who came to class. I need that guide. I'll email her and ask for notes and everything.

If that fails then I get to look like a worthless, selfish member of the family because no one understand the type of pain this disease causes.

This related to the spoon theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/). I don't have enough spoons for both. I told my mom this and she got very mad and disappointed to the point of making me cry. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. It's not my fault, but that's never the message conveyed from her.