Interstitial Cystitis Returns

My symptoms were so minor I believed I was going into remission, or at least the cold fronts wouldn't do much harm to me. You couldn't really call what passed a cold front because we kept the AC on, but my body certainly felt it. I'm taking my heaviest meds and sitting on a heating pad in hopes of stopping it from becoming worse before work, and it's completely drained my motivation to do any of the activities I usually enjoy.

All the hope I had earlier of lasting a whole year at a job is basically gone now. If such a minor front could hurt me enough to distract me from my favorite activities, then how bad is it going to be when the major ones start rolling through? I know I positively won't be able to work the 20 hours a week that I do now. As a cashier, there's a lot of walking and standing involved. I already asked about accommodations for a wheel chair and all they had to do was point at the space in the stall.

There's only two registers in one stall, and it's not wide enough for a wheel chair or short enough for one. They could possibly let me sit on a stool, but half of my job is walking around straightening up product. In short, once I get that bad, I think they'll let me go.

My mom has already proven to be very disappointed in me and on the verge of labeling me a hypochondriac from last year despite me being fine this whole summer. If I did lose the job I'd face verbal abuse all day since she works even less hours than I do.

I know stress makes IC worse, but how can I not be stressed in this predicament? If I just had someone to say, "It will be alright. Just do what you can," my stress levels would be so much lower. My family is also saying that I'm "projecting" what will happen to me and so it will happen. which sounds more like they think magic is real to me. I wasn't thinking anything bad was going to happen until that surprise cold front hit and I had to run to the bathroom every two hours and had the worse day at work yet since we only have two people working there at a time, making bathroom breaks guilt-filled.

I wanted to go back to school for teaching since I was doing so much better, but I don't think that will ever be possible. I'm going to have to look into web design or some other stay at home job that isn't a scam just so I don't feel worthless all over again.

IC and time management

The hardest thing to me right now is time management. Either I hold my urine in and get things done then hurt really, really badly when I'm done with work for the day, or I go to the bathroom as needed and suffer mild to moderate spasm pains for up to an hour after each time, not ideal for a job setting. I can't even be productive with it in a home setting. Today I found sources for an up coming term paper, had to do a 40% water change to my aquarium, and had to clean the gerbil cage. This is just the stuff I do for *me*. Next there was towels and garbage cans. The Aquarium gave me a lot of trouble so it was 6 hours until I got to go to the bathroom. Thankfully there are heating pads here to help, but I wonder what I'd do at a job? This is why I'm hoping for part time hours. I did submit my resume to four places. Guess I'll keep my fingers crossed. There's no way I could survive the fast pace of a restaurant or anything involving walking/pelvic jostling. Not unless they want an employee in a wheelchair, but then they'd find some other reason to fire me for. Current news is nothing much. I did find a place that can batter fry shrimp in plain flour. It comes with the spice taste without the spice (or at least not enough to hurt me) and it feels like I'm dining at the world's most expensive restaurant. It's pretty great. Also I've decided to start getting my birth control pills from Planned Parenthood through their HOPE program, which means I don't have to get naked to get a pill just like people in all other first world countries who can get over-the-counter pills or just have to let a nurse check their blood pressure. While I know it's important, I've decided to follow Northern Europe's guidelines of every 3-5 years. It's a slow growing cancer. Most who die never had it checked, not that they were too late (unless there was symptoms). Not sure why the doctors here don't understand this or read the latest guidelines. Well, it's a weight off my back. Like all other ICers know, pelvic exams can really hurt not to mention my own personal sense of violation one once is done against my will due to coercion to get the pills I need to stop period flares. That's no relationship I'd put up with a man, and so that's no relationship I'll put up with a doctor. ..also.. was hoping to make some pocket change from this. But the certain affiliate I'm using hasn't so much as given me 10 cents since starting this blog. Page views should at least be worth something, right? The advertisements aren't even IC related half the time.